The Grinch Who Stole Songkran

The Thai New Year startes tomorrow. Though the festivities leading up to it have been going on for the last week. The festivities are simple. They involve, for the most part water. Water in various containers: glasses, water guns...buckets, hoses.

And the festivities involve getting people wet. It can be fun! I had a great water fight with the kids on site just last week after a religious holiday involving showering the Buddha. You're not supposed to discriminate. If there's a person passing by on a motorbike, it's an easy and unsuspecting target!! And it's even better yet to block the path with a posse of people and their guns, buckets and hoses. There's no way out and the victim must be hazed before reaching his destination!!

Last year, in Chiang Mai, someone told me there were 11 water-related deaths during the week of Songkran. They mostly involved ambushes from the sides of the road to people coasting by on their motorkbikes. Some might say it's time to find a new ritual. But apparently, the vast majority of the country's population is having far too much fun observe these kind of overly paranoid safety precautions.

I think I noticed it starting last Saturday. I came into the office to do what was supposed to be a 20 minute task....but then eventually turned into a 7 hour task. It cut into the time that I was supposed to be teaching novice monks in the evening. Couldn't get to them by phone, so I took a 20 minute break to go to their temple and let them know in person.

Turning arond the corner before reaching the village temple, I spotted a group of teenagers blocking the streets with the appropriate equipment for the upcoming celebrations. They started to prepare themselves and I called to them from about 15 yards away, "Hey guys, I have to work in the office with these clothes. Can you let me pass without getting me wet?" and they graciously cleared the path, inviting me to cross. Until I was at arms reach of them and they tossed a three gallon bucket of water onto my head. Total loss of face. And it meant coming back to the office at desk and in front of an Excel document for the next 3 hours with a puddle forming underneath my chair. Then upon coming home, I felt the sensation of being slapped across the face and being pummelled while I lost control of my bike because of a 13 year old hiding over and behind a fence, dumping water on me overhead. Tis the season for revenge.

I decided I wouldn't put up with it. At least not until the new year actually started...which it won't until tomorrow.

The front of my motorkbike is now stocked with jam, ketchup and fishsauce. In the last 2 days of riding my motorbike, every kid I have passed that has ignored my request to spare me as I'd be going to work, or that has right out caught me off gaurd, I have counter-attacked with the condiments from my fridge. Sometimes, this requires stopping my bike, removing my helmet, getting off and chasing after small children, literally running into their houses; handfuls of fish sauce and jam landing into the hair and clothes of screaming, unsuspecting children...one time a handful of jam ending up on a slamming door. These cowardly types: I have confiscated and stolen their buckets and water guns they dropped while running away and have dumped them off into a gutter a kilomter away from where I found them. One little boy of about 12, forlorn to have jam running down his face and to have his hair smell like fish sauce said to me, "but I don't want to smell like fish." maybe it was mean spirited, but I didn't feel bad. I just responded "And I didn't want to go to work wet. Happy New Year, kid." and then rode off my bike.

This has earned me so much satisfaction, I can't even begin to tell you. I'm a mean mean mean one. I know.

NOTE TO ALL: This is the final entry of my blog and I will be saving it onto a hard drive and deleting it off of the internet. If you want updates from me or if you want to be put onto a mailing list about recent events and ongoings of life for me here in Thailand, email me jameswood924@yahoo.com.