My memories of highschool, college, papers and tests is that things actually got done because there were repercussions for not doing them. School and professors... they were moderately fearful to the extent that I did my work most of the time, even if it meant leaving it the very last possible moment. And if things couldn't get done because i couldn't find time to write the paper between stage crew, eating, doing other work and playing dr mario on my computer, i would at least have had the decency to lie about it.
Exactly how am I respond to my 12 year old fourth grader, Nok, who tells me "I'm too lazy to work today. And I didn't feel like doing my homework last night." Couldn't she have at least tried to spice it up a little bit? Then she proceeded by disrupting class every 10 seconds shouting "booring boooring boooring" while lying on her back and feet waving in the air. Finally she sat up straight at her desk. But only to comment that I sure forgot a whole bunch of Thai in the three months I was gone. "How are we supposed to learn English from you when you speak Thai the way that you do?" She was going out of her way to push my buttons, and it was working. If there were a principle's office to send her to, I would have sent her there.
Yesterday at a staff soccer game, the kids on site cheered our players "Go team go!" and Nok sat behind the rest of the cheerleaders shouting, "Die team die!" with a smile on her face.
I hate to admit to this, but at one point Nok actually was one of my "favorites" during my last term. She was always focused in my class and expressed enthusiasm for being there. But since October, when I left, she has had a growth spurt and she now has what the thai staff refer as "arom mai dee" which means, a really bad attitude. In other words, this is puberty. And she's no longer a sweet little girl. And she's no longer a she. She is a genderless monster and I obviously lack the command of the language to have a warm felt chit chat with her.
It's things like these that make me not want to have children. They're way too moody and shifty and I take behavior like that way too personally from people who are 12.
posted by Jamie @ 4:46 AM
5 Comments:
Thank GodBuddahAllah you NEVER acted liked Nok! We would have turned you in to an adoption agency or sold you to the gypsies (I did try a few times, but the money wasn't good).
Perhaps next time Nok acts like that, you can just say calmly & nonjudgementally to her: Nok, leave us to struggle with our learning in peace. Take your bad manners away from those who are trying.
I find it so interesting that for a culture that does not wish to lose face in front of others, they find it so easy to do it to those not from their culture. You might also ask a Thai mother/father how she/he would handle such a child.
One note: Your own kids are ALWAYS pefect -- it makes it easier to deal with them & the chances that they will reach adulthood are much greater.
I am also glad that you are in contact with the children & other people instead of sitting in front of a computer typing out grant requests all day long. Keep this in mind when you come back here & are looking for work. Financial work, lending money & writing loans is the same thing as writing grants -- not a lot of people contact.
hey jam,
the temper tantrums that my kids have often involve a variety of curses and generally some threat of physical violence. however, regardless of the severity of the tantrum, the bottom line is that it is a tantrum. i have found that the easiest way to deal with such behavior is to simply ignore it.
you might not be able to get her to stop her nonsensical antics, however, if you can learn to ignore her, and get the class to do the same, well, then she no longer has an audience to bear witness to her rants.
furthermore, she is really seeking attention. it doesn't matter if the attention is negative or positive- as long as it is attention. by encouraging the class to ignore her tantrums, you have in a sense alienated her, thereby robbing her of the much desired attention. generally, when this happens, the tantrum thrower realizes that his/her efforts have failed, and will fall in line.
one last thing....even if there were a principal's office, don't send her there. by sending her out of the room, you lose your power and authority. put her in the hallway outside of your classroom, but do not let another adult handle the situation. in doing so you are saying to nok, "i cannot handle you, and therefore i must pass you on to someone who can."
"genderless monster" i love your way with words... ;-) tu me manques!
wait - your own kids are always perfect? Can someone tell mine?
Jamie - yeah. Ignore her. She's trying to be cool, and she's not. Telling her she's welcome to leave during class might work. Or it might backfire... gosh I hate teenagers.
Dear Jamie
Isn't it a good thing you didn't go to SiteMeter and put on that thing that tells you who is looking at your blog and how often they look? Because then you would find out how many many times I actually click on this things every day.
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