The Half Day School finished its term and I didn't so much as have a chance to say bye to most of the kids who don't live on site. I never really explained to anyone that I'd be leaving and I never took Bang to the hospital...nor do I know how her situation will evolve this month. It'll be up to whoever's here in November to see how she's doing, though I'm thinking of doing some grant writing in the future to get annual health checks for all of our kids on and off our centre.

For me, these last couple of weeks has been hanging out with the staff and live-in kids, teaching in the mornings and evenings, hosting sponsors and short term visitors and the new long term volunteer. He is staying at my house at the moment because there is no space for him on site. I took the kids off site for a lunch outing with a generous contribution from my parents and fed 70 mouths with $50 US.

And the countdown before going home begins. I leave Mae Sai on Friday and will stay in Chiang Mai for one night. From there, I'll fly into Taipei, where I'll have another 24 hour layover...then I'll leave for Anchorage then off to New York to arrive sometime in the afternoon on the 15th.

And I guess as things and responsibiltieis have wrapped up one by one I've started to rehash and evaluate the last 10 months of being here. In a lot of ways, this is maybe the first "job" I've had that wasn't a complete joke by anyone's standards. I'm not here because my Dad's an important person on staff. And I'm not working behind the counter serving people ice cream or coffee anymore. Many people have been "impressed" with the work that goes on around here...

When my sister Anne-E was here for two weeks she reminded me of something I don't particularly like to highlight; that there's a bit of a narcissist in every person who works with children, myself included. And yes, the work was more pleasant and encouraging if I felt that I had somehow earned the children's respect, their trust and their friendship or love. And none of that even matters at the end of the day. The fact is there was no enormous impact made by my being here. No one has earned any citizenship through any work I've done. No one's become particularly proficient in English because of me. And nothing has changed in the way of these children's rights or opportunities in the future. This scares me.

I guess it should suffice to say that I have many friends in this country; people who refer to me as their older or younger brother... I might forever be haunted by the outcomes of their lives, one, two, five or fifteen years from now.

In preparation to come here, I'm not sure if I was thinking about anyone other than myself. I was expecting my own standard of living to be difficult. I was thinking this would be 6 months without friends, family or any genuine human interaction. I thought I would be ready to go home without any second thoughts. I'm so lucky that it wasn't that way. I'm so lucky that the experience here will make it so hard to say good bye.